The Italian Job (1969)

Director: Peter Collinson                                 Writer: Troy Kennedy-Martin
Film Score: Quincy Jones                              Cinematography: Douglas Slocombe
Starring: Michael Caine, Noel Coward, Margaret Blye and Raf Valloni

The original production of The Italian Job is a comedy. At least I think it’s supposed to be a comedy. In the end the film doesn’t really know what it wants to be. Is it a caper film, a madcap chase film, a farce, a crime drama, a mafia movie, or a disaster in attempting to be all of them at once? What it really seems like is a sort of G-rated, Disney movie filmed in Europe, only instead of Tommy Kirk and Fred MacMurray it stars Michael Caine and Noel Coward. It’s a ponderous and pompous production that barely gets off the ground and lingers on for nearly a hundred minutes.

The film begins with Michael Caine’s release from prison, ala George Clooney in Ocean’s Eleven, but rather than any kind of wit or clever dialogue, the basis of the comedy relies on stupid jokes and visual gags. The build up to the actual caper seems to go on forever, and it soon becomes obvious that there is something being hidden from the audience that is the big surprise ending. Sigh. They even manage to make the getaway with the mini Coopers boring.

It’s difficult to know what to criticize, and this is always an indication of a bad film for me. Even a film that provokes a visceral negative response can often have a lot to recommend it. The biggest sin, for a piece of entertainment, is to be boring, and that’s what The Italian Job is. The music by Quincy Jones is uninspired. The acting seems phoned in. And even when the caper is in progress it’s only mildly interesting how they’re going to do it. And all of that is without even considering the magnificence of the remake from 2003. The Italian Job is simply the worst kind of bad movie: a complete waste of time.